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Teacher: “Now Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?”
Q: Did you hear about the lady who could perform amazing snooker
stunts with a pint of lager balanced on her head?
Q: What’s round and bad-tempered?
Q: What bow can’t you tie?
Q: Why was the farmer hopping mad?
Q: Did you hear about the banker who got bored with his job?
Q: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark?
Q: How did the ghost get into the house?
Q: What’s black and white and never grows up?
Q: What’s the difference between an elephant with a thorn in its foot
and a storm cloud?
Q: What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a potato?
Q: Who drives all his customers away but still makes a living?
Q: Why are brides so unlucky?
Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
Q: What’s sweet and cold and hurtles up the M1 on a stick?
Q: What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
Q: How did the inventor discover gunpowder?
Q: Did you hear about the banker who got bored with his job?
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
Q: “What did one lion say to another lion when they saw some hunters
in a jeep?”
Teacher: James, give me a sentence using the word gruesome.
Q: What do you call a sweet, pleasant good-natured monster?
Q: What illness do pilots get?
Boy: Mum, I think my school must be haunted.
Q: What do you get if you cross the ocean with a thief?
Q: Why did the worker bees go on strike?
Q: What’s the definition of paraffin?
Q: How do you make a bandstand?
Q: What do you get if you cross a blackbird with an idiot?
Postman: Is this letter for you sir? The name’s smudged. Q: What’s the definition of an undertaker? Q: What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a sheep? Q: What can you hold without using your hands? Q: What was Camelot famous for?
Q: What never asks questions but gets plenty of answers?
Q: What is very tall and stands in the middle of Paris wobbling like a
jelly?
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Sabina
Q:
Two fat ladies ran in a race.
Q: What do you get if you cross a tape measure with a steamroller?
Patient: Doctor doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dustbin.
Q: What's the difference between a fisherman and a dunce?
Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in vegetable gardens?
Q: What do you get if you cross an aeroplane with an apple tart?
Teacher: When was Rome built?
Q: What do you get if you cross a shoplifter with a cement mixer?
Q: Where should a
jogger wash his trainers?
Teacher: “John, if you had ten pounds in one pocket and ten pounds in
the other pocket, what would you have?”
Q: If all the cars in the country were pink, what would we have?
A policeman stopped a motorist going the wrong way up a one-way
street. “Where do you think you are going?” he asked. Q: How do you know which are your golf socks? A: There's usually a hole in one. Q: Why did the crazy actor jump off the top of the Empire State Building? A: Because he wanted to make a hit on Broadway. Q: What do you get if you cross a snowman with a crocodile? A: Frostbite. Patient: "Doctor, please tell me how I stand?" Doctor: "I don't know - it's a miracle to me." Q: What fish sleeps underwater? A: A kipper. Q: How do you cut the sea in half? A: Use a sea-saw. Daughter: "Daddy, can you buy me a budgie?" Father: "Not now, darling, it's not the right time." Daughter: "So when is the right time to buy a budgie?" Father: "When they're going cheap." Q: Why did the bees go on strike? A: They wanted more honey and shorter flowers. Q: What did the first ghost say to the second ghost? A: Do you believe in people? One day a little girl went up to her dad and said: "Dad, I want to play our piano but I can't open the lid." "Of course you can't," said her dad. "The keys are inside." A teacher asks the class: "Does anybody know what starts with T, ends with T and is full of T?" Little Benjy puts up his hand: "A teapot, miss.
Q: Did you hear about the crazy hitchhiker?
A: He set out early to avoid the traffic.
Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.
Q: What happened to Frankenstein’s monster when he was caught
speeding? A: He was fined £50 and dismantled
for six months.
Q: What do you call a wicked woman who lives by the sea?
A: A sandwich. |
